23. Getting Cozy with Plot Holes

I read in a facebook group somewhere that if you have a plot hole and are stuck, you should dive right in - explore - see where the world takes you. Don’t let it hold you back or stop you from writing. 

I realize that while I might not have a hole per se, its more of I havent fully explained some of the story and the elements, and I’m not sure how to do so without giving away the twist that I have planned. 

I think that might be why I have struggled to write daily, but I am going to give it a shot and write and see where the world takes me. 

Also - how long are books?? Am I writing enough? Have I put in enough detail? Or not nearly enough? I know that I’m trying to write in my own style, so its a bit challenging to try to make sure that is coming across when I know - I KNOW - my brain will fill in the blanks and read the story the way I’m trying to tell it, and not how it is actually written. Yay… 

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Let’s talk about the bar, the crowded one from early in the story. Now, think of that Dove commercial where they had women describe themselves to a sketch artist, and then someone else describe her to an artist and the women were presented with the two pictures that were radically different - how they saw themselves vs how others saw them. How others saw them was always more complimentary and objectively looked more like th person than those from which the image was self described. 

Now think of the concept of ‘glamor’ from fantasy and mythical books/stories - how it was something that was real and true, just… glamorous - prettier. Softer where needed, harder in others. Like a TikTok or Instagram ‘beauty’ filter was applied with the settings turned up high. 

If you were an objective observer, someone that was not part of the crowd in the bar, and still someone who could see the people in Nicole’s life - you would notice they were similar. Not the same, but similar. All of their best qualities were amplified, their worst minimized or non-existent. They were strong, beautiful, smart, chic, intelligent, savvy, popular, confident, athletic, coordinated…. all of the things Nicole admired in others because she felt like they had something she didn’t. Or had more of it or were better at it than she was. 

They weren’t random strangers either. There were the kids from highschool - the ones that she wasn’t smart enough, pretty enough, athletic enough, artistic enough, dramatic enough, engaged in activities enough, or quirky enough to hang out with. 

There were the people from her part-time job in the mall, and friends of friends - ones that always seemed to have their life together, their makeup impeccable, never a fuzzy hair nor a strand out of place. The ones that could wear a crop top and people cast admiring glances their way, not like when she wore a crop top and was ‘brave’ or got dismissed at best, disgusted looks on average. They weren’t Nicole’s thing - she was so uncomfortable in it that her discomfort was palpable to everyone around. 

It wasn’t just her peers either - there was her history teacher, and her chemistry teacher - both comfortable in their own personalities, engaging teachers, and adults who treated the students with respect. They were both people that Nicole respected and sought the approval of. 

The ‘glamour’ for these teachers wasn’t as strong as it was for her peers - her chemistry teacher still had the jeans that had chemical burn holes on the thighs from where he perpetually wiped his hands, and a beard in the style of Bob Ross. Her history teacher - the only real change to him was that he had a bit more hair - but it wasn’t that noticeable. 

Who else was there? Who else might someone recognize from Nicole’s world? 

Well… in you could see the world from Nicole’s eye, and see everyone in the bar - you would recognize everyone. For everyone in that bar was someone that Nicole knew (or imagined she knew) and they were able to influence her. 

You see, Nicole was other. Not quite enough of anything to belong to anyone group, and trying to fit in just made everything worse. She couldnt stop trying to be who she thought people wanted or expected her to be to actually be herself. At this point in her life - she really didn’t know who she was it was so far buried under the imagined thoughts and expectations of people that didnt think of her nearly as much as she thought they did. 

When getting dressed for work, she thought about her manager/mentor and about what might be expected of her - was she professional enough, put together enough.

Then Nicole thought of her co-workers - the beautiful, sexy, popular model and thought of how stuffy and out of touch she would look in comparison. So Nicole tried to find something to highlight her curves, show off her legs (she had always though her legs were one of her best features)... maybe even do a smoky eye or something fun with makeup? 

But she was also practical and she had class in the morning before taking the bus to the mall for work, and whatever she wore she also needed to be comfortable taking the bus home after. She wasn’t going to carry around multiple outfits or shoes - so she looked out of place everywhere she went, never quite fitting in. This was normal for her. Too dressed up for school, too casual for work, too underdressed for the weather, too overdressed for being indoors. 

Yes, a bar seems like a bit of an odd spot, given that Nicole was only in highschool, but legal drinking age was 18, and because of her height and ahem other physical attributes, she didn’t often get ID’d - so while she didn’t go all the time, she had been. And would continue to go to bars. 

This crowded bar is typical of the ones frequented by college/university students - a bit of a pub/sports bar with a somewhat used dancefloor, loud music, and big screens. Beer. 

This is what the bar looked like for five years, the patrons slowly changing with highschool peers fading out and being replaced by her college roommate, teammates from the social club sport(s) she participated in, the smart/ popular/ beautiful kids from class. Her university professors, her coworkers at the mall (a different mall from where she had worked in high school).