2. You Can't Edit a Blank Page

Small bit of context before I start writing today - I pulled my laptop out and it has taken nearly 18mins for me to get to the point where I could write. No, I am not counting that as writing time. And yes, my son just put a metal bowl in the microwave. Thankfully, we caught it before any harm was done.

Now to today's writing.

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The Bookie and the Banker

It was an Idicator Event. A moment that stood out so clearly as one where the choices made could result in very divergent paths. A moment that was the result of specific choices. Not that all moments aren't the result of the choices we make and the situations we are in, but these were different.

They felt different.

And example might help with things. Nicole cant think of one right now so she'll have to come back to it.

Up in the bar, things had changed - it was no longer the dank, seedy, lewd and loud bar it had been. It was still a bar, but more of a lounge, with soft recessed lighting inviting you to lean in and have an intimate conversation, or whisper a suggestion. Where the seating is plush and ample, the music not that of an elevator but of low-fi versions of popular songs - music you would recognize but not be distracted or overpowered by.

The patrons had also changed, and if you could smell it, would believe that their level of personal hygiene had also gone up a notch.

And who were they? No longer the masses, their numbers had shrunk to under 100 - still full and vibrant, but no longer over crowded.

What remained the same was the screen above the main bar where the POV was that of a fly on the wall on Nicole's life, regardless of what room she was in. In a split screen/picture in picture was the view as Nicole saw it.

The main bar was not staffed by a bartender per se, but rather it was still the auctioneer/bookie type personality taking bets on what Nicole would do. The most important, but oft unnoticed presence in the room was a recessed and raised, like the Banker in Deal or No Deal, a shadow of a figure overlooking the entire room.

The Bookie and the Banker.

Nicole sat in the SUV and took a calming breath, the car-warmed air scented with the winter pines that lined the snow covered road. It was an Indicator event. A moment of choice.

It had been a long drive, the hours on the road creating a charged atmosphere of expectation. It was the annual trip to the mountains the weekend before Christmas, a time for them just as a family to spend time together, away from the holiday hustle and bustle of the city.

A time of family memories made skating on the lake, caroling while on a sleigh ride, and splashing in the outdoor pool under the stars. Of Hallmark style family meals and instagram worthy moments with the kids in Santa's workshop.

For her and her husband to relax, rejuvinate, and reconnect so they had the strength and stamina to get through the rest of the holiday season, together.

It was a lot of pressure. To try and live up to those expectations - the expectations she and her family (husband) had themselves set for the weekend. As the family chattered excitedly about what they were most looking forward to, Nicole felt her chest tighten. She wasn't up for this.

She really really really needed the break, she was burnt out, and as much as it had been under control, her depression was popping up to say hello. So how could she manage the weekend with such high expectations without letting everyone down and feeling like a failure? She didn't know if she had it in her.

It was an Indicator Moment. Nicole knew that whatever she chose would set the tone for the whole weekend and determine not only what her experience was but what memories the rest of the family had of that weekend.

Taking another breath and clinging to the faint scent of the fire warming skaters by the lake, Nicole made her choice.